Now-a-days, complicated marriages or divorce cases, has become a very common thing. As parents, we think that our children will cope up eventually with these complications, but does this really come out of this trauma so easily?
Don’t you think that your child just pretend to be “okay & normal”, while he/she is mentally disturbed & disheartened!
Below are some insights that possibly can help one understand their children’s emotions better.
- Impact of parents relationship issues: Right from a tender age children look up to their parents and idolise them, it is their relation that creates the first impression on them as a lifelong learning, either to walk that path or chose not to. Sadly, there has been a drastic increase in the number of complicated marriages which does impact a child’s mind, especially when a child between the age group of 4-12 years of age sees their parents fight and argue. As responsible parents one should avoid such behaviour in front of your children.
- Studies and scores: As time flies, the relationship between the parents worsens and they tend to be cordial in front of their children however the children can fathom that there is a void between their parents, this cold atmosphere and vibe does affect their studies which is seen evidently in their academic grades. Some of the schools realise this sudden drop in a child’s grades and they try and counsel the parents about the same.
- Child psychology: Children from troubled families, display introvert behaviour and avoid befriending other children, as parents we need to ensure that our children spend time equally with their friends as much as they spend studying at home. Also, if one notices that their child is getting affected because of the situation at home (bad marriage or separation), it is ok to take help from a child psychologist who can help one deal with this situation in a proper way where by the child grows up being strong person without these childhood family issues affecting him/ her later.
- Fear and dependency: In situations where the parents are going through a separation, the children start fearing in their minds that the parent with whom they are living with may also leave them, this does get difficult for that single parent however one must spend a lot of value time with these children and verbally assure them that no matter what your parent (single parent) will always be by their side and will never leave them.
- Relationship with siblings: When there are two or more children (siblings), their bond between themselves becomes very strong as they are living through this phase together and may be no one in the world actually understands what they as children are going through emotionally. Even through the circumstances react to the situation differently, thus as a parent one must be prepared to understand and analyse why ones child could be reacting in a certain way, example being rebellious, overly protective, detached, etc it could be anything which has not been ones child’s trait in so many years.
- Mature faster: being a part of a troubled family, as children one tend to hear and see things that they should not be at a tender age or as a matter of fact ever specially when it concerns disconnects between their parents, however as these children grow up faster and start being responsible about themselves primarily from a young age.
- Parents guilt: As parents, one realises the stress one is going through being in the bad marriage or having separated, hence one can only imagine how adversely this could be affecting ones children hence to keep them (children) happy, parents try to meet all their demands, else showers the children with gifts. This is possibly is an incorrect approach, the only way to help ones children to cope with this reality is spend quality time and talk about it to them, maybe they will not understand if they are very small, however when they grow up they will not feel that they were not told or made aware of this coming.
- Idea about relationship (during teens): As teenagers, when they are at an age where they can analyse between the good and bad, they actually develop the courage to voice it to their fighting parents to end this behaviour or become pacifiers between them, leading them to being subjected to stressful situation to handle. As they grow older, they develop a mindset, in favour or against the institution of marriage.
As grownups and parents one must be extremely aware of what might actually affect your child. It is easy to say that one cannot handle this marriage / spouse or in laws, however one must also realise that they are connected to their children as well, however at the same time, if one is convinced that separation would be a positive move then counsel ones children and befriend them, win their trust and belief, explaining that as a parent you are taking this step and this will only be better for them. Be true and candid even if one feels they are too young to understand.
